14854 - New Pioneers

I GOT KITE BE4 WITH ALL THE MOMIS/I WRITE HAIKUS TIL ALL THE YUANS IS COMING/I PLAID DUMB TO PLACATE THE MUMMIES/I STAY SHARP RAZORBLADES DID ALL MY LUNGES/
LIKE VAN GOGH GOTTA GO/PROFIT PLAYING/MY BANJO WHILE THEY DANCE SLOW TREES THEY SWAY HIM/NUMBERS UP, GET EM UP, WHY Y’ALL WEIGHTING/CRACKED MY TOOTH CRYSTAL BALL NOW & LATERS/THIS IS WORLD WAR 4, THERE WERE 3 BEFORE/NO ROSES DRAPED ON MY FOREHEAD WHEN IM DEAD/JUST COPPED A 57 CHEVY CHERRY RED/ILL PUSH THE BLACK M5 INSTEAD/EYES WIDE OPEN SO THERES NO SURPRISES/MOVE LIKE A LION/CIRCLE LIKE THE SUNRISE/I SEEK TRUTH JUST LIKE THE TRUTH ISNT/I SEE AROUND THE CORNER MY MIND A MENTAL PRISM

A.P.C., Callander, 2019

A.P.C., Callander, 2019

14853 - Year One

When I committed to you I committed to myself as well for it is through this continued act that I exercise my strictest discipline my highest thinking and my loftiest self I see things other than myself I see you and in seeing you I see my reflection 

A.P.C., 2019

A.P.C., 2019

14852 - Unlearning

The first time I can remember feeling black was in kindergarten there was a girl who didn’t want to sit next to me during a group activity I think her name was Sam I immediately knew why and probably didn’t care months later my mother came home to find me with a whole jar of Vaseline in my hair when she asked what I was doing I told her I wanted hair like the other kids white kids I tried to self-perm some kind of damage was being done at an early age that was the first time I can remember wanting to be anything other than myself.

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14851 - A Farm

We went to a farm today. Unlike the other farms here, this one does more. This is wine country, so naturally it does that, but wine isn’t front and center. This farm has found a way to give more and has created a remarkable business that provides education, design, conservation, and beauty to the population of the Cape. This farm delivers value in abundance and has created something enduring.

A.P.C, Babylonstoren, 2019

A.P.C, Babylonstoren, 2019

14850 - Poppop

Until I was about 7, I thought my grandfather’s name was “Dearest”. My grandmother, Mommom, would always refer to him as “Dearest” and say things like, “It’s time for supper, Dearest”. He was a strong man. Shorter, but strong. Poppop was retired when I knew him and spent most of his days running errands in his pickup, fixing things in the garage, or in the basement, where there always seemed to be electrical equipment in some sort of disrepair across two long work benches he’d made. I never knew what he was doing down there, but it seemed very technical. One of my earliest memories is sitting on his lap watching TV. He had big belly. I remember it rocking me as it expanded with each breath. Maybe I was making it hard for him to breath. If so, he never let on. He just let me sit there, leaning on him while he struggled for breath. Poppop was bald. I once asked him what happened to his hair and he said Mommom had given him a haircut and it never grew back. I believed him. He laughed. Poppop was quiet. The only thing I distinctly remember him saying was grace before every meal. He always said the same prayer - “ Good lord, we thank you for the food we are about to receive, in Christ’s name redeemer, Amen”. Always short and sweet. He said it so many times that he would just mumble it. My grandmother was the Christian. She ushered at Church on Sundays and went every week. My grandfather never joined. I assume he had stopped making excuses long before I came around. Poppop’s real name was Marion. My grandmother was Marian. Together, Marion and Marian had 5 children (2 girls + 3 boys), my mother being the oldest. They raised their family at the end of Evergreen Avenue, in a grey stone house that Poppop had built. Legend has it that he also helped build the Delaware Memorial Bridge, the one that connects Salem County to Wilmington. I think about him every time I cross it. As a kid, one of the best parts of that house was a shack deep in the backyard where Poppop stored what seemed like 15 salvaged bikes, all for his grandkids to ride up/down Evergreen Ave when they visited. There was a bike appropriate for each age. We all measured how big we were getting by which bike we could ride. My first ride with no training wheels was on the blue one. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was probably 4. I spent a night at Mommom and Poppop’s and had a dream that night that I could do it. I woke up the next morning, went straight back to the shack, somehow freed the blue bike from the tangle of rims/handle bars, walked it out front to the street, and just started riding. No one else was there. Just me. We loved going to that house, especially in the summer when Aunt Shirley and my cousins would come up from Tennessee. Nothing was more exciting than that week in the summer. Kids everywhere, coming out of almost every house on Evergreen, where all my grandparent’s neighbors were also grandparents. Poppop seemed to love the commotion, since it likely gave him more things to fix and more hands to handle his daily chores. Mommom was the disciplinarian.

Poppop passed away in 1999 after deteriorating health caused by stroke. He was 83 years old. The last time I saw him he had lost a lot of weight and one of his legs which had been amputated. He found God at the end.

A.P.C., Cape Town, 2019

A.P.C., Cape Town, 2019

14848 - After a day of wine tasting

I can definitively say I don’t like wine. I’ve given you many tries over 20+ years and now understand why we’ve never been friends. This alleviates me from any pressure to learn you or order you at group dinners in the future. Goodbye. 🖕🏽

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14847 - YOUNG ROCKY

I WAS ONBOARD/GOT SEASICK/JUMPED OVERBOARD/CALLED IT A SKI TRIP/CAUGHT MY OWN WAVE/YES I SEIZED IT/HEAD BOBBIN TOO HARD AMNESIA/HEADS THROBBING TOO HARD I FEEL IT/FLOW EXOTIC BUT HAS NATURAL FEATURES/THEY BE LIKE YES LAWD A PREACH IT PREACHER/IVE BEEN FIGHTING LIONS IM THE MAN IN THE ARENA/ALL THESE BISHES WANT TO HIT ME NOW IM ON/IM YOUNG TOCKY IN THE RING STALLONE/STEP ON YOUR CHEST BY THE NECK, KABONG/NEXT CAR A TESLA SO MY FOOTPRINT SMALL/MY HANDLES SLICK I USE TWO BALLS/IF I EVER GET PICKED I GET TWO CALLS/IMMMA SING IT OUT BECAUSE THE PRESSURES ON/FEELING REAL FAMILIAR SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN/MY SOUL IS FLOATING THROUGH THE CABLE/IM DIVING DEEPER THAN MY LOWER NAVAL/THIS BEAT GOT ME GREG LOUGANISIN/WITH A LORD PLEASE DO GAIN US IN/IF I KILL ANOTHER BEAT DO I GAIN US IN/THINK I SINNED AGAIN, LIKE MINNIE RIPPERTON/DO YOU STILL REALLY REALLY WANNA BE MY FRIEND/MY FRIEND WHAT TOWN DID WE GROW UP IN/DID I MISS THE TIME THAT WE SHARED APARTMENTS/MY FRIEND, DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE LIFE IVE LIVED/ITS BEEN REAL SICK, MIRACULOUS/IM LIGHT/ALREADY SOLD HALF MY SHIT/AT NIGHT/LOOK UP TO THE SKY IM LIT/BREAK YOUR RULES/NO REASON JUST BECAUSE/I’M OZONE, I WALK ON WALLS, YEAH/JUST BECAUSE/IM OZONE I WALK ON WALLS/ALL THESE BISHES GONNA MISS ME WHEN IM GONE/IM YOUNG ROCKY IN THE RING STALLONE

Jaybo Monk, Whatever Girl

Jaybo Monk, Whatever Girl

14845 - Everyone Wants to Be an Influencer

The good news is, in the age of social media, we all have the opportunity to do just that. Whether you have 100 or 10,000 connections across social media, you have the ability to positively influence the outcomes for those around you. of course all social media platforms have “super users” who tend to be attention seeking causing some to shy away from participating in the medium. The word influencer itself has developed a negative connotation, usually associated with the most vane among us. But that doesn’t need to be the case.

For years, we have friended, followed, liked, and linked our way to a growing presence across the various social media, with growth being the primary objective. With the growth stage now behind many of us, we are left to wonder what’s next. A lifetime of passively gazing at friends and loose connections seems uninteresting. The other options are fully retreating from the medium or becoming a “super user” as described above. Recently, we’ve seen the rise of the “motivator” - one who has developed unique insights, expertise, or tools which they hope to share with the masses in order to gain attention. It’s a different hustle, but similarly self-serving like the “super user” just with more explicit commercial intent. This trend will continue.

There exists another option - a world where we develop deeper relationships within our established networks and seek to deliver value specific to each individual. Importantly this done with zero expectation of receiving anything in return. It’s not business, it’s an artform. Those who are able to switch from “leveraging” their networks to generously serving as the lever within them have always had an immense competitive advantage in life. Why?  Because selflessly producing better outcomes for others puts you at the center of an engaged community. It’s fun. And by being the connector, you are connected. Platforms like FB, LinkedIn, Instagram hold immense potential for those who are willing to strengthen their existing networks, but are difficult to use in this manner.

If social science is correct, we have developed enough relationships to accomplish almost anything in our lifetime. Many of our networks are dense enough to also help someone else accomplish almost anything in theirs. So why not focus all of our efforts there and be the kind of influencer, we’d all like to become?

What we need are tools focused on the development of personal relationships versus sales - PRM vs CRM. I have some ideas.

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14844 - ifeveryonewaswatching

Would you still shine bright? I thought of myself as shy for a long time. I don’t know why, but I’ve never felt comfortable with attention. I’m not sure when that started. I used to tell myself that I’m good at playing roles and since my mother is such a social person, I never had to say much, so I became quiet. I also grew up with a fear of standing out because typically, that was embarrassing. I wanted to fit in. I remember a speech I had to give in class in the 10th grade. I have no clue what the speech was about, but remember I was very nervous because a lot of “cool” kids from the grade above were in that class. I couldn’t fuck it up, so I memorized a 10 minute speech word-for-word. I said it over and over until it felt natural. The next day, I’m a wreck. The class isn’t until the afternoon and I’m doing nothing but going through this speech in my head non-stop. By the time I got to the class, I was sweating. I get up to give my speech and literally bomb. About 5 lines in, I get stuck, can’t remember shit, and just stutter for about 20 seconds. I then compound things by asking the teacher if I can start over. That shit still haunts me. I’m really not sure why we care about other people’s opinions so much. I’ve read that our lizard brain still craves acceptance because the opposite meant you were kicked out of the tribe, sure to die. Maybe. I’ve struggled with that personally/professionally in the past, but at some point realized that that path to freedom is much shorter if you say “fuck what everyone else thinks” and believe it.

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14841 - The Future is .Org

Selling is outdated. Thoughtlessly consuming is outdated. A new corporate model focused on social profitability is the future. Value alignment and impact will drive most consumer decisions very soon. We will lead the movement that blurs the lines between corporate/non-profit structures, both of which are severely outdated. A majority of profits generated from our partnerships will be recycled back to serve underprivileged communities. Business and art will merge. www.apchmstry.org

A.P.C., NYC, 2019

A.P.C., NYC, 2019

14840 - Game Change

Im 14840 Ive now removed myself from the news cycle quit a seven figure job and have exited the US in an attempt to strip years of residue that Ive built up over decades in effect Im working to reduce myself back to who I was as a kid before I began pretending I was pretending because thats what I thought was needed to fit into a world where money was the primary focus my primary focus I successfully pulled off the act for many years because with much persistence I became a great actor but it was taxing and eventually became toxic I started to believe my own lies I was sad and addressed my sadness in many unhealthy ways which I referred to as “fun” I was leading myself farther away from who I was all in the name of becoming this idea I needed to change I was selfish outside of my close friends my posture to the entire world was “what are you doing for me” in my view, everyone (my job, my family, my city, my girl) was to blame for my unhappiness embarrassingly I lacked the self awareness to realize that the world was reflecting the energy that I put into it I was blinded by judgement reserving the harshest critiques for myself I saw my race my upbringing my absent father my lack of whatever as disadvantages in my quest for perfection without appreciating that all that I had been through as fundamental to the man I had become good or bad, my life experience is a blessing I forgave myself for not being “perfect” which took the pressure off I could stop pretending stop critiquing and start loving myself again and I forgave the world around me its imperfection was again rich and beautiful like that, my eyes were reopened I could again approach every interaction from a place of generosity, which immediately felt like my natural state Im now unhinged and light and on my way to becoming a kid again. 

Nathaniel Mary Quinn

Nathaniel Mary Quinn

14839 - Forever Young

Why am I keeping this “journal”? The simple answer is so that I can live forever. In the grand scheme, I will not be here for long and believe that Instagram, Facebook, and other forms of social media will likely die as well. Then internet, however, will live on forever. And with that, my personal media channel, which ultimately is what APC represents, will live on so that my kids, grandkids, etc. will know who I really was and what I contributed to the world beyond a few pictures from day-to-day life. Selfishly, I want to look back on this to see how I’ve evolved over time. As the site gets up and running, it will evolve. For now, this is my daily creative practice. There are no real goals. I just want to be better everyday. That’s it.

Eventually, my guess is there will be a mass migration away from traditional social media onto web hosting platforms that offer more flexibility and creative control. We’ll see.

A.P.C., Flight to Africa, 2019

A.P.C., Flight to Africa, 2019