Would you still shine bright? I thought of myself as shy for a long time. I don’t know why, but I’ve never felt comfortable with attention. I’m not sure when that started. I used to tell myself that I’m good at playing roles and since my mother is such a social person, I never had to say much, so I became quiet. I also grew up with a fear of standing out because typically, that was embarrassing. I wanted to fit in. I remember a speech I had to give in class in the 10th grade. I have no clue what the speech was about, but remember I was very nervous because a lot of “cool” kids from the grade above were in that class. I couldn’t fuck it up, so I memorized a 10 minute speech word-for-word. I said it over and over until it felt natural. The next day, I’m a wreck. The class isn’t until the afternoon and I’m doing nothing but going through this speech in my head non-stop. By the time I got to the class, I was sweating. I get up to give my speech and literally bomb. About 5 lines in, I get stuck, can’t remember shit, and just stutter for about 20 seconds. I then compound things by asking the teacher if I can start over. That shit still haunts me. I’m really not sure why we care about other people’s opinions so much. I’ve read that our lizard brain still craves acceptance because the opposite meant you were kicked out of the tribe, sure to die. Maybe. I’ve struggled with that personally/professionally in the past, but at some point realized that that path to freedom is much shorter if you say “fuck what everyone else thinks” and believe it.
